


Homeward Bound

by Donkerblauw_Fluweel



Category: Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Comforting Aziraphale (Good Omens), Denial, Dreams vs. Reality, Dreamsharing, Flashbacks, Healing, M/M, Oblivious, Slow Burn, Worried Aziraphale (Good Omens)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-03
Updated: 2019-12-09
Packaged: 2021-02-25 21:35:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,889
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21662284
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Donkerblauw_Fluweel/pseuds/Donkerblauw_Fluweel
Summary: "This is your dream isn't it?" I asked as two ducks with tiny human ears on the side of their heads walked past our bench. Slowly it became clear to me that Crowley didn't know I was really there - After Aziraphale heals Crowley the lines between dreams and reality start to blur and Aziraphale is forced to deal with secrets that surface and all the choices that come with it.
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Comments: 3
Kudos: 16





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> My first dabble in this fandom. I've read and reread the book maybe a dozen times and I absolutely loved the miniseries, magnificently done! This story is originally posted on Fanfiction but I've heard people might like it on this site as well.
> 
> This story is rated Explicit for a reason: violence, smut and the like.

I looked up from my book as I heard the bell over the shop door tingle gently. After all these years of having a shop I had gotten somewhat used to customers, but I realized immediately that the man entering my shop wasn't an ordinary customer. He looked plain enough but he brought a distinct demon energy with him and his eyes seemed dull, as if he was being hypnotized. But in spite of the demon energy I could tell he was human and no actual demon. Was he possessed then? Something clearly was wrong here.

"Yes, can I help you?" I took off my glasses, dropping them on the desk, and walked towards him. Mentally bracing myself for a possible attack as I felt the demonic energy grow stronger with every step I took. The man looked at me with glossy, but innocent eyes.

"Do you have ´homeward bound´?" He asked in a monotonous voice.

"That´s a film, I think." I replied frowning.

"I´ll pay you for it." He handed me something from his coat pocket. A gorgeous black feather, over a foot long and covered in dark blood. Crowleys. I knew immediately. I felt my throat grow tight at what the blood might mean. Something must have happened to my friend.

Tentatively I took the feather, feeling the demonic energy leave the man. Now it was concentrated in the black feather in my hand. The man blinked at me, confused, as if the feather had had him hypnotized and he was waking up from a dream.

"Yes, thank you." I said hastily, hiding the feather behind my back. Quickly, I snapped my fingers and the man left the shop with a vague happy feeling as if he had had a nice daydream. I watched him turn the corner before hastily leaving my shop, locking the door behind me with shaking hands.

Homeward bound. It was some sort of code. Bad and easy code at that. Not like Crowley at all. Normally he would formulate something elaborate and cunning. It showed that he was in real distress. I hid the black feather in the inner pocket of my coat, shuddering to think how it had gotten so much blood on it. I snapped my fingers, appearing in front of Crowley´s apartment building. Once in front of the door to his flat, I hesitated. I had really only been there once. What if it was a trap? A joke? No, I realized. Crowley never made such bad jokes. He was proud of his subtle sense of humour. Something bad must have happened.

I hesitantly pushed the door open. I gasped at the scene in the living room and I rushed in, slamming the door behind me.

Crowley lay sprawled on his back over his desk. His clothes torn and his limbs in odd angles. His wings lay haphazardly under him, feathers in disarray and dotted with blood. His glasses were gone and his eyes blinked slowly as I rushed up to him. Up close I could see that he was smeared with blood and that his arms lay broken at his sides. Who had done this? What had happened?

My throat constricted at the sight of my dearest friend in such a state. We had seen each other wounded and sick on numerous occasions. Always, it grabbed at my heart. And lately I had noticed it tucked at my heart in a way that was a lot different than before. It tucked at my heart with such a distress and pain that I had come to associate this feeling of distress solely with Crowley. It never hurt like this when humans were harmed. I always assumed it had to do with our deep friendship. I always stopped my thoughts at that point, no need to delve further.

Crowley´s yellow eyes looked at me unfocused as I bent over him, examining his face. I could tell that he was in a lot of pain. But where were his injuries the worst? What needed healing first?

"Crowley, Crowley dear?" I tried. He only whimpered and closed his eyes. I didn´t have time to hesitate. I knew what I had to do to know what needed healing first. But I had never done this. At least, not to him. I'd have to invade his mind. Well, not really. Because it would likely end badly if I were to completely emerge myself in him. I needed to be inside him just enough to know what was wrong. Invading someone´s mind was something I only did to humans, to help them experience divine ecstasy or to guide them towards the light. Being in someone's mind was a very personal and intimate act. We had never done it with each other. It was a silent, unspoken boundary we had between ourselves.

But as I looked at my wounded friend I knew I had to. I would have allowed him to do the same to me if I would have been this badly hurt. Hesitantly I lay my hand on his shoulder and I closed my eyes.

Long, gangly limbs. Thin waist and narrow shoulders. Pain, so much pain. But where? Liver, lungs, arms. And his head, oh, his head. Through the slits of his eyelids I saw only a red haze, his vision blinded over by pain.

I withdrew hastily, not wanting to invade his person too long. The vivid feelings and images still flashed before my eyes, but I knew what to do, so I shifted my hands to his head. I closed my eyes and concentrated, letting my healing, celestial energy flow inside him. I felt him jerk beneath my fingers as I grasped his hair. He gasped loudly as I mended the bruises and haemorrhages in his human brain. He sagged against the desk after I was done with his head. But there was no time to waste. I moved my hands lower, sliding over his chest. It cost a lot of my celestial energy to mend his lungs and liver before I finally fanned out my hands over his arms, mending his broken bones.

Crowley whimpered and jerked, as if he was trying to get away from me. The final sweep of my hands moved over his stomach and legs. My fingers tingled painfully as I pulled my hands away.

Crowley gasped, choked and coughed loudly before opening his eyes. He groaned as he moved to sit up. His face was pale and I could see sweat on his brow. He looked ill.

"You´re here." His voice, always so lovely, was weak and tired.

"Of course I´m here." I said trying to sound testily, but the words came out soft and tender.

"I wasn´t sure-."

"If I would come? If I would break your code? Really now." Relief flooding over me as he grinned weakly. I wanted to question him about the origin of his wounds, to hear what had happened to him but as I saw him so weak and vulnerable I pushed my curiosity away. Instead I asked:

"How do you feel, my dear?"

"Awful." I knew he didn´t mean his injuries. He looked really unwell as if he was recovering from a heavy bout of flu.

"I still have to heal your wings, though." I moved my hands to his black wings, but he shook his head, a wary expression on his face.

"No."

"No?"

"I can´t handle your…" He waved his hand in a vague gesture. "Heavenly touch." He said it as if it gave him a bad taste in his mouth. "It makes me ill."

"Still. You need healing and I don't think you can do it yourself." He was silent for a while.

"Fine." He grumbled.

I brought my right hand to his wing, concentrating. My fingers brushed lightly over the feathers, healing them as I passed. When I came to the joint he suddenly grasped my wrist firmly.

"Wait." Crowley looked even paler and sweat was sliding down the sides of his face. "I´m going to be sick." He breathed loudly for a couple of moments. After a shaky in breath he gave me a curt nod and I continued, using both my hands to cover the rest of the wing.

"Fuck." He moaned and he pushed me roughly to the side when my fingers had brushed the last of the wing. He vomited violently over the side of the desk.

"I´m sorry." I said as he came back up, looking completely ragged.

"Don´t-, you stupid angel." But the insult came out weak.

"I still have to do the other wing."

"Fuck, no. Leave it. It´s okay like this." He snapped angrily.

"You´re being ridiculous." I snapped back. Before he could retort I grasped his left wing with both my hands, sweeping my fingers through it quickly. Crowley kicked his legs as he pressed his hands to his mouth. He whimpered and as I came to the joint he turned onto his side to vomit again, retching loudly. I felt bad, but I used his distraction to completely heal his wing.

"You bastard." He breathed out between his retching.

"Yes, yes." I removed my fingers from between his soft feathers. They were tingling and cramping even more and I knew I had used almost all of my powers in just these few minutes.

Crowley sat up shakily, wiping his mouth on the back of his hand.

"What are you going to tell heaven about these miracles?" He was grinning slightly, signalling he was already feeling better.

"I´ll think of something."

Crowley´s clothes were soaked with sweat and his hair lay plastered against his head. He surprised me by laying back on the desk and closing his eyes.

"What are you doing?"

"I´m exhausted, I´m taking a nap."

"What? Here? Certainly not." I grabbed him by his arms, pulling him up. "Don´t you have a bedroom here?" I knew his love for sleeping, and I would be very surprised if there wasn't a bed around here somewhere.

"Yes."

"Come on then." I pulled him up from the desk and he collapsed heavily onto me. Completely boneless and weak. He slung his arm around my shoulder and he gestured to a door in the corner.

"Over there." His hot breath in my ear as he muttered the words. In any other moment I would have revelled in feeling him this close to me, to feel his warm limbs against mine, but not now.

I managed to drag him to the door and kick it open. Inside was a big bed all in blacks and pillows. By the time I lowered him onto the bed his sweat had soaked through his clothes into mine.

The small walk seemed to have exhausted him completely. Crowley snapped his fingers, looking angrily down at his clothes.

"Come on." He muttered. "Come on."

"What?"

"I can´t do it." Oh, he was trying to undress.

"Of course not, you´re completely weakened. Wait."

I walked out of his bedroom and into his kitchen. I filled a bowl with water and grabbed a cloth and towel.

In his room I sat the bowl carefully onto the covers. Crowley looked at me with surprise in those yellow eyes as I sat down next to him.

"Can´t use anymore magic myself." I clarified. "And perhaps it´s best for you if you don´t come into contact with more of my, ah, heavenly touch."

I raised my hands, this time slowly, to ask permission. Crowley nodded silently.

Carefully I undressed him. There were no words between us, there was no need. It didn´t matter that I had envisioned this before, because this was nothing like it had been all those times in my mind. Not sensual, not sexual, not romantic. I slid his shirt of his arms and draped the dripping garment over a chair. I unbuttoned his too tight jeans and he lifted his legs so that I could slide it off. I hesitated only a second before I grabbed his boxers, sliding those of too. I knew he had made the effort, had felt it as I had healed him. Whoever had attacked him had attacked that part too and the heavy ache that I had felt in that part of his body as I was briefly in his skin had made me want to vomit as well.

Crowley leaned heavily back on his hands as I wet the cloth and cleaned his arms and chest. My eyes firmly on my own fingers as I swept the cloth over his slightly hairy chest and narrow shoulders. My hand moved lower, cleaning away the sweat around his belly and the trail of red hairs I found there. I leaned over him as I cleaned his neck and back. He shivered as my fingers grazed the hairs of his neck slightly. I wet the cloth again before I swept it over his feet, calves and thighs. I took a calming breath to steady myself before I moved the cloth between his legs, only cleaning lightly. But even this intimate act had nothing sexual in it, only care, worry and friendly tenderness.

"There." I murmured. I tossed the cloth away and grabbed the towel. With swift, broad strokes I dried him.

As I went to dispose of the towel and bowl he pulled the covers away.

"What are you doing?"

"Sleeping. I´m tired." Still completely naked he burrowed under the covers. He looked up at me and I saw a silent plea in his eyes. There was never a need for words between us, I knew what he wanted.

"Guess I´ll stay here for a bit. Can´t have more people come over and try to kill you. You´re mine to thwart, no one else´s."

Crowley smiled weakly up at me as his yellow eyes drifted close.

"That´s right, angel."


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aziraphale is watching Crowley sleep as he heals from his injuries. Meanwhile, he reminisces about their times together in ancient Rome and in Sweden in the 1950´s. When he goes to check on Crowley he is sucked into his dream where the demons are harassing Crowley. Somehow, Aziraphale manages to save him from that dream, but how and why he doesn´t know.

Chapter 2

Every half hour I went to check on Crowley, but he lay mostly still and didn´t seem to move much. He lay mostly on his back, arms thrown out and the covers pooling around his waist, his breathing slow and steady. I can´t say he looked innocent, because he didn´t. The flaming red hair contrasted violently with the black pillows and his narrow body was all angles and edges. He truly was a demon in human form. A form he loved. A form I loved. But I pushed those thoughts away hastily. Often, my thoughts of purely platonic, angelic love took a sharp turn, hurtling towards a feeling that I really only could describe as human and not platonic in the slightest.

I tried to busy myself by looking around the apartment, but there wasn´t much to do. I wondered around a little, opening doors at random and suddenly I came upon his bathroom. Strictly speaking neither of us needed to bathe, we could just wish ourselves clean after all, but we both loved taking care of our human forms. I did that by having manicures and going to the barber regularly. Crowley did that by wearing flashy clothes and extravagant hairstyles. And we both loved baths and water.

Having nothing else to do I decided to use his bath. Why not? After all, I was bored, might as well get clean. Next to the bathtub was a whole collection of soap bottles in all shapes and sizes and colours. For some reason Crowley had always been a big fan of soaps.

"Look!" He had said as he pointed out a black bottle to me one day in a supermarket. "Chocolate and cherry! As soap! Unbelievable, what these humans come up with!"

I randomly picked one of the bottles. It turned out to be one that smelled the most like Crowley usually smelled. Without further thinking I poured the soap in the bathtub, undressed and got in.

As I lay soaking in the lovely fragrant water, I became quite relaxed and my mind went back to some of the moments I had spent with Crowley in a bath, because strangely enough, we had had quite a few encounters in or around a bath.

Rome, 231 bc

Long before the Arrangement, we ran into each other in one of Rome's many city baths. Bathing was a very social thing back then and people often used the public baths to talk to others about deals or business.

That day I sat in one of the hot baths in a vast, high roofed hall full of baths and small pools surrounded with benches and elegant pillars. The tiled walls were beautifully decorated with mosaics, depicting scenes from roman myths and lush green plants hung down from the ceiling. It was my favourite bath of the whole city. The plants reminded me of the garden of Eden and the mosaics and pillars were of an unrivalled craftsmanship. I always felt very comfortable there and I tried to go there at least once a week.

I was just talking to some befriended city officials, sitting comfortably in the warm water, my arm leaning on the tiles behind me when Crowley came walking into the hall. Well, walking was maybe the wrong word, he was strutting.

Involuntarily I noticed how all eyes were drawn towards him as he sauntered towards the bath where I sat with my companions, a towel loosely wrapped around his waist. He was all lean muscle and careless grace. Handsome? Not conventionally so, especially for that time, too narrow and bony but he was supple and fluid in his movements. Underneath all that leanness and grace, he exhumed confidence, and, there was really only one word for it: sex. As the eyes of my companions fell on this gorgeous specimen I felt a shift in the atmosphere. My mind picked up on the secret desires that bloomed in some of their chests and in some minds it was even worse: wildly explicit fantasies and lurid dreams were rampant in quite a few.

And even then, hundreds of years before I had even the slightest of understanding of my feelings, I felt a heavy weight that I couldn't quite properly name, settle in my stomach as I watched him walk towards us.

My companions greeted him fairly friendly, none showing what they thought or felt and they all scooted over to make room for him. Crowley grabbed his towel with one hand and I quickly averted my eyes as he whipped it off his body before sinking into the water right next to me.

"What on earth are you doing here?" I hissed, quite agitated at both the interruption in my conversation and the change in atmosphere.

"Catching up with some acquaintances, nothing wrong with that, is there?" The lie was dripping off of his every word. Some people were still shooting glances at him, while others had picked up their conversations again. It was easy to see just how much Crowley was enjoying himself, the poorly hidden mirk on his face clearly showed his enjoyment at the distraught bath house.

"Don't lie, you're obviously up to no good." I said to Crowley, he just shot me another grin.

"I'm just here to talk and socialise, angel, just like you." His voice sounded way too innocent to be truthful.

I glared at him, I think. I wasn't very good at glaring back then.

"And well, maybe.." he shifted, knees rising above the water, my eyes inexplicably drawn towards them. They were rather bony and not particularly handsome but somehow I felt that they held a sort of hidden sensuality in them.

"Warm water, naked people, it's the perfect place for sin isn't it? I'm surprised to find you here, to be honest. Even you noticed all the raunchy thoughts here and yet you stayed. Makes me wonder what you are up to."

I gasped in shock at what he insinuated. The mere idea that I would come there knowing that there was sin present!

"How dare you! That is- absolutely not!" I rose angrily from the water, his sunglasses prevented me from seeing his eyes, but I was sure he was looking between my legs. The mere thought made me heat up from inside. Quickly, I chose to overrule that thought by leaving the bath as soon as I could.

"Gentlemen." I turned to my companions. "I'll speak to you later."

With haste, I grabbed my towel, wrapping it around me as I went.

"See you later, angel." Crowley called after me, the grin obvious in his voice. I didn't look back as I hastily made my way out of the bath house.

After that, we ran into each other there quite frequently. Usually I was there to catch up with important people and enjoy the beautiful surroundings, but I could never quite figure out what Crowley did there.

"Is it really only the sinning? Why you come here?" I asked him one day as we sat side by side in a small pool. Crowley had once again disrupted the whole bath house solely by his appearance. The air of seduction and easy, comfortable sin that hung around him had set hearts racing and minds aflame with thoughts of what they wanted to do to that lean and lithe body. Some people were hopefully lingering in nearby doorways or had boldly joined us in the small pool. The steam rising from the water partly obscured him from my view and the minty, herby fragrance of the pool only added to the currently very impure thoughts going through everyone's head. Including mine. At that time, I didn't truly recognise those thoughts for what they were, simply thinking that they were being brought to life by Crowley's appearance and not thinking they were really part of me.

"I can't help it." He replied, leaning back and spreading his arms along the edge of the pool. "The humans are always so hot and bothered before even coming here, tempting them to sin is easy. An accidental slide of someone's hand under the water, part of a naked body pressed against you as you swim in a pool, an exceptionally good looking man who stands up in the bath..." an almost uneasy smile tugged at his lips.

"And I like the water. If I have to get clean, it might as well be like this."

"Hm, I suppose so. But aren't orgies a better way to incite sin?"

"There isn't really any work for me there. They come there already knowing they'll sin."

"I see. It's more of a challenge here."

Crowley fixed me with a look that I couldn't quite place.

"Exactly."

Sweden, 1952

In November 1952 we both received messages from head office that we were being sent to Sweden for a short mission. I, to support a church which had had it rough after the war and Crowley to tempt someone from the Nobel committee.

A quick look at the map made it clear that it would be impossible for one of us to do both of them on time. This happened sometimes and as usual it was Crowley who suggested we travelled together and would then split up at a certain town. I held my usual monologue of the danger of us being seen together before accepting his offer.

In Sweden, after having travelled together the whole way, we had decided to stay in a small town before splitting up. We stayed in a lovely wooden guesthouse near a pine forest. It was located on a hill just outside the village and the views of the valley and the surrounding hills were just spectacular. Crowley had arranged that we stayed there and I was sure he had taken special care to find someplace beautiful. I knew he knew how I liked gorgeous places like this and though he would never admit it, he often arranged things like this.

After a scrumptious dinner at the guesthouse I was doing some reading in front of the fireplace when Crowley appeared in front of me, holding two fluffy towels and wearing an all too familiar grin.

"Come with me." He held out one of the towels for me. I didn't take it but asked instead:

"Why?" What on earth could I need a towel for?

"Just humour me, angel." Crowley grabbed my book, throwing it unto a coffee table and hauled me upright by my elbow.

"Really now, I was reading that." I muttered in protest as he pushed me towards the back door. I shivered as the November cold hit me when we stepped outside.

"What are we doing here?"

Crowley pushed the towel into my hands and pushed me towards a little wooden house a little way of, steam rising from its chimney. He opened the door for me and we got inside.

A warm, wet heat hit me on the face as I stepped over the threshold. The interior of the wooden house was simple, just some wooden benches raising in three rows towards the ceiling. Steam was rising from a grate in the floor and its swirls obstructed the view, giving the room an intimate atmosphere.

"This is a sauna isn't it?" I asked Crowley, who threw his towel over a hook on the wall.

"Yes, you'll love this, angel, I swear."

He was removing his clothes, putting them away on a table.

"Come on, strip." He said. For a moment, a flash of something moved through my body as I heard that lovely voice speak those words. "Everyone is naked at these things." He added. Just then I noticed the other people on the benches, who were looking at us curiously. Crowley was already naked, wrapping the towel loosely around his waist.

Tugging at my bow tie and already sweating from the heat I decided: why not?

I undressed, putting my clothes away like I had seen Crowley do. For a moment, I concentrated, making the effort. I didn't want to appear odd in front of these people, I really only made the effort when I had to.

Crowley had sat down on the lowest bench and I moved to sit next to him, my towel around my waist.

"Now what?" I asked him. Crowley was leaning his elbows on the bench behind him, head tossed slightly back and his eyes closed, sunglasses still on.

"Now you just relax."

It took me a moment to get used to it. At first I sat rather rigidly upright, not knowing what to do. But the gentle hiss and sputter of the grate in the floor and the calming warmth started to relax my tight human muscles. My human form was sweating already, but judging by the look of the other people present this was supposed to happen. It was very quiet. If people even spoke at all it was in a quiet whisper and sometimes people would enter or leave in the same quite manner. There was a very peaceful feeling to the place. Slowly, I started to feel more calm and relaxed. I closed my eyes, letting the humid head take over my body and brain. After a while I felt Crowley shift beside me and I felt him lean in to whisper in my ear.

"Come, let's move up a bench."

"All right, if you say so." I agreed quite readily. I didn't know how this whole thing worked, so I trusted him to make the right decision.

We moved up and the heat was more intense there, sharper. Would I have needed to breathe I would've have been bothered by the smothering heat. This time I relaxed more easily. The heat slowly took hold of me and I felt sweat slide down my spine and stomach. Even my brain seemed to slow down.

It felt good to just sit there and feel. No need to think or analyse, just be. Closing my eyes, I let the heat and wet air flow over me.

After a few more minutes Crowley tapped my shoulder again.

"Let's move to the upper bench."

Up there, the heat was suffocating and I felt slick with sweat all over. My hair was plastered against my forehead and I felt beads of sweat slide uncomfortably along the inside of my knees and legs.

Crowley looked just as sweaty. His hair flat against his skin and he was tinged red across his chest.

"How come you can even stand this? You're a snake!" I whispered in a low voice. He sighed dramatically.

"I'm not literally a snake." And he left it at that and I didn't feel the need to press on. Instead, I closed my eyes, surrendering to the heat. Crowley had been right, this was wonderful.

Even with my eyes closed I was very aware of his presence next to me. We weren't touching but I could sense his energy, and it was way more relaxed than usual. Almost without noticing I felt my self-control slip and I felt my own energy, my own essence, bleed out. My love and care for all living things, and my forgiving but sometimes worried nature were flowing out of me imperceptibly. Underneath it, barely noticeable because I usually suppressed it came my characteristics that were less good: my greed, my gluttony, my violently suppressed lust. Just as my essence was flowing out, so was Crowley's I noticed. Not an all-consuming demonic energy as some might think, but rather the energy of anger, mild annoyances and small inconveniences and underneath that his own hidden characteristics: kindness, tenderness and an almost frustrated desire.

I opened my eyes a tiny bit and saw two other men on one of the lower benches fall under our influences. One of them greedily took up more space than he should, spreading out along the bench and grinning merrily at his companion. The other, after some sighing in annoyance, moved over but seemed to forgive him instantly.

"How do you feel?" Crowley's voice came quietly from beside me. Our eyes would have met, weren't it for his sunglasses.

"Relaxed." I admitted. "And hot."

"Good." He sat up. "Then come with me."

He stood up from the bench and started to climb down.

"Are we leaving already? I rather liked it here." For a moment, I felt like pouting but I decided against it. With some reluctance I followed him down the benches. I went to grab my clothes but he grabbed my wrist and tugged me towards the door.

"Not yet, come." He opened the door and he pulled me outside.

"Crowley!" I gasped as the cold hit me. "What on earth are you doing?" Instead of replying he pulled me towards a small pool right next to the cabin I hadn't noticed before. An all too familiar grin had appeared on his face, promising nothing good. No steam was rising from the pool which at first I found strange, but when it clicked in my brain what that must mean I felt a tiny bubble of panic rise up in me.

"Crowley? That water is warm, isn't it?" No answer from Crowley, he just kept grinning that terrible grin. His grip on my arm became vice like as he dragged me towards the edge of the pool. The little bubble of panic bloomed into a bubble the size of football and I started to struggle against his hold on me.

"Crowley?" I tried again. "The water is warm, isn't- Crowley tell me that the water is warm!" With his free hand he removed his towel, tossing it onto the side of the pool before grabbing mine and tossing it away as well. By now I was struggling in earnest, twisting to get away from him. Crowley grabbed me around the waist with his free hand, pressing our still hot and sweaty bodies together. I was truly terrified now, as I knew what he was going to do.

"No! No, Crowley! No! Don't you dare-!" But he took a step backward, still wearing that shit eating grin, and together we plunged into the icy cold water.

It felt like a thousand pinpricks of cold were being jammed into my limbs and as if someone slapped me in the face. Gone was my relaxed state of mind, gone my calm thoughts. Everything came into sharp focus once more.

I moved my arms in panic and I felt Crowley loosen his hold on me. With swift moves I swam upwards, breaking the surface of the water with a gasp.

Crowley surfaced right next to me and I heard him laugh hard and carefree. Shivering and still gasping from the cold I grabbed onto the side of the pool, wanting to pull myself out of the water. It was cold, so cold, I wanted to get back into the sauna as fast as I could to warm up.

"No, angel, wait." Crowley grabbed my shoulder, preventing me from rising.

"You!" I spluttered angrily. "Let me out!"

"No, angel, this is part of it. Really, you're supposed to dip into cold water after." He explained, holding down his laughter with obvious difficulty.

"Yes, that may be the case, I don't know the custom. But I don't think you were supposed to throw me in."

"Ah, well, no. That was a little bonus just for me." I frowned, still upset, bet less angry. I could never stay angry at him for long.

"Give it a moment, really. You'll see." He moved away and swam in a few lazy strokes across the pool. I turned, leaning my back against the wall and I tried to do as he said. I watched Crowley swim around in slow circles, his long legs nearly graceful in the water. Slowly, my shivering stopped and I felt my clenched shoulders droop a bit. The cold air and the magnificent starry sky had an all together different sort of calming effect on me than the sauna had had. I felt that I rather liked this sharp sort of calm.

"See?" Crowley said as he passed me, noticing the look on my face. "Not bad, huh?"

"I suppose." I admitted reluctantly.

"Once you're completely used to the cold we're going to do another round."

"Another?" I tried to sound alarmed, but I was already hooked. I loved the calming warmth of the sauna and the way it relaxed my brain and nerves. And then, the shock of the cold and the coolness of the pool gave it a nice contrast. I really wanted to experience it again.

Of course, I needn't say anything for it must have showed in my voice and face because Crowley nodded towards the ladder and said:

"Come on angel, don't have all day."

We ended up doing three more round, after which I was exhausted. Yawning, I climbed out of the pool for the last time.

"I am positively exhausted, Crowley. I'm going to rest now." I wrapped the towel around my waist. Crowley climbed out and I had every opportunity to look at his body. But I didn't, instead I averted my eyes modestly. A tiny part of me was screaming at me in anger for doing so, demanding that I take in that glorious naked body for all it was worth.

"Yes, me too. I always sleep like a baby after a session at the sauna." I gave him a look.

"Well maybe not a baby, but that's what the expression is anyway. Don't look at me like that, angel." I laughed as we walked back towards the sauna to grab our clothes.

The next day we went our separate ways, agreeing we would see each other in London in a few weeks. We wished each other good luck on our assignments, even as his always made me feel a bit uneasy. Privately I made a mental note to go looking for something similar to a sauna in London. Hoping I would be able to get Crowley to come along.

XXX

After a while I realized I must have been lying in the water for quite sometime. I could reminisce about Crowley and water for ages. Deciding I´d probably better check on him again, I got out of the bathtub and dressed again.

That one big question: Who had hurt him? Was still unanswered and I wanted to question him about it as soon as he woke up. Just before he went to sleep his plea for me to stay had been clear in his eyes. Was he afraid they would come back?

Still worried about my dearest friend and with the image of said injured friend lying bloodied on his desk still fresh in my mind I went to Crowley´s bedroom. When I entered I immediately noticed something had changed. No longer was he sleeping quietly and relaxed, instead his hands cramped on the blankets and I could hear him moaning and muttering something under his breath. He tossed around and I could see sweat form on his chest. This surely looked like a nightmare. After all he had been through this seemed a bit unfair. I sat down on the bed and tentatively put my hand on his forehead, wiping away the sweat from his red locks. The contrast of my pale skin with his red hair caught my eye.

I blinked.

And looked at a low ceilinged room filled with people. Not people, demons. Shouting, jeering, yelling at someone in the middle. Crowley. On his knees with his clothes in tatters. He was being held by other demons as a particularly vicious one was grabbing his wing and breaking it. Crowley howled in pain. A big wave of pain and despair flooded my senses and I realized they must be Crowley´s, not my own because there was an unfamiliar feel to them. It felt the same as when I could sense emotions belonging to humans: familiar but definitely not my own.

I rushed forward and I glided steadily through the forms of the other demons, as if I weren´t there at all. I was only essence, not my human form.

"Did you think we would forget?" I heard Beelzebub jeer from the side. "Hell never forgets, Crowley." Beelzebub was even more grotesque in this dream. Because that was what this was, a dream. How else could I know so clearly what Crowley was feeling?

I could feel the pain in his body and wing. I felt his anger at being betrayed like this. And of course I could sense his utter stubbornness underneath it all, a feeling so uniquely Crowley´s. They would not win. They would not break him.

At this surge of emotion from him I felt my heart ache for him like it never had before. I wanted to comfort him, tell him that this wasn´t real, that he needn´t feel all this. I reached out to him, stretching my presence towards him and I grabbed his arms. With all my power I tried to radiate calmness to him, a feeling of comfort. If I could feel his emotions, maybe he could feel mine? And maybe he did, because the moment I touched him I felt his presence grab onto mine. Immediately, the room lit up and seemed to dissolve around us.

I looked around and there was only white and soft yellow. Never really any forms, only vague, cloudlike surrounding. With a shock I realized I was in human form with my wings out, floating in this wonderful whiteness. Here, there was no noise, no heat. There was only a cool breeze and this feeling of flying. My hands were clasped around another human form and I realized I was pressing Crowley to my chest. His head on my chest and our legs entwined. As I moved my wing I felt his brush along mine. Both of us were wearing something akin to coarse woollen robes.

What was this place? It was so calm and quiet. It seemed as if in this place there could only be calm and quiet. Because even my curiosity about the place seemed to slip away from my mind. Crowley clung to me and I radiated all that I did before: calmness, forgiveness, kindness. He pressed closer to me, seeming to drink all those feelings in. I pushed my nose into his hair and I didn´t feel his short straight hair, but long tresses of curls. Vaguely I was aware of how holding him like this would make me feel if I were awake, but even for thoughts like this there was no place here and I felt the thought slip away as if it were never there.

There was no feeling of time, so I didn´t know how long we stayed like this. I didn´t talk and neither did he. His body relaxed and I felt him slip away from between my fingers.

I blinked.

A calmly sleeping Crowley lay before me on the bed, my hand still on his brow. Now, he was breathing slowly and he felt a lot cooler. I withdrew my hand, wondering what just had happened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here´s chapter two! There´s still more to come. Thank you so much for the kudo´s! And although the bit in the sauna with the cold bath probably may not be very accurate, it´s the way I´ve always done it and besides, I wanted Crowley to have an opportunity to throw Aziraphale into the water.  
> I´d love to hear your thoughts on this story and if you´re still enjoying it so far!


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